Hate. Dreams.
12.28.05 (11:38 pm) [edit]it's been a while i havent write in my blog. wow. it's been a pretty enjoyable weeks for me. gone for a vacation. got dean's list for my previous semester (yay!). my birthday celebration. i dunno if celebration is the rite word. but for me, it was a celebration. me and my family had dinner at secret recipe.
1 more day enjoying living at home and all that pleasures, then i have to head back to my least fave place in this world; my university! *sigh*. Just the thought of it makes me feel angry, hate, hurt, pain, misery and regret. God! i hate that place. Okay, it's not that i hate Hate it. i mean, i like studying there. it isnt that far from my home. but the thought of staying and sleeping there with that 'kind' of environment are making me sick. it sucks. really. mom said her hostel got airconditioning, heater, elevator, carpet and was fully furnished. it was nothing like my uni. but of course, that's ISU's and UCS's hostels we are talking about. my uni is nothing compared to ISU and UCS. Nothing. Nada. Wish i could just pack my stuff and go study there and never look back. mom went there when she was like 17 or 18. I wish I could be just like her. But, earth to Azra!! i am gonna be stuck here for like, another 2 yrs. that's when i finish my diploma. boy! it sucks isnt it? Gosh. i am dying to go study in the states just like my mom did.
Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire!
11.29.05 (5:31 pm) [edit]Been waitin for that movie since forever. It's a great movie. With that special effects and all that. Harry, Ron and Hermione are all grown up now. The first time I saw them, I was like, whoa..it seems like just yesterday HP&the Philosopher stone came out. And there's a new character in the GOB, that is Cedric. He's cute but he's dead at the end
.I almost cry. It really touched me. Why? because Cedric died protecting Harry from You-Know-Who. It showed that how strong their friendship bond was, which is, I think, the moral value we can learn from this movie. Enough of blabbing here. I personally think everyone should watch this movie. Trust me. It's worth it.
trapped
11.25.05 (6:13 am) [edit]Have you ever wanted somethin so bad?
And unfortunately, you could do nothin in your power to get it. Like, you are trapped in this place. Deep down inside your heart, you know you dont belong to this place. All the doors are closed shut so tight. Chained with thousands of locks. But still, you could hear the sound (of joy i would say) from the other side. You are dyin to go to the other side. You even hurt yourself sometimes. Your heart is cryin out loud to get out. Your inner voice keep sayin "This aint right, Im not suppose to be here." You are strugglin to go there and it even makes you cry just because you came to a realization that it is impossible.
And it takes only one special key to open all the locks. One special key that i finally discovered. And it's him. He's my inspiration(i aint talkin about a bf here ok, im talkin bout a person who inspire me). He makes everythin is possible. Everythin is so easy. He'll be the reason i can reach the other side someday. Only time will tell. I'll be there someday. Soon. Very soon.
1 in a Million...
11.22.05 (9:29 pm) [edit]One In A Million: Bosson.
You're one in a million
You're once in a lifetime
You made me discover
One of the stars above us
Sometimes love can hit you everyday
Sometimes you can fall for everyone you see
But only one can really make me stay
A sign from the sky said to me
Chorus:
I've been looking for that special one
And i've been searching for someone to give my love
When i thought that all the hope was gone
A smile there you were and i was gone
I always will remember how i felt that day
A feelin' indescribable to me
I always knew there was an answer for my prayer
And you, you're the one, the one for me
Chorus
In the beginning i was cool and everything was possible
They tried to catch me but it was impossible
No one could hurt me it was my game
Until i met you baby and you were the same
And when you didn't want me i wanted you because
The funny thing about it is i liked the show
I like it when it's difficult
I like it when it's hard
Then you know it's worth it
That you found your heart
_________________________ _________________________ ___________
like OMG. i like this song so much! like totally.
i finally KNOW!
11.07.05 (7:07 pm) [edit]finally, i know where i want to further my study after this... i wanna go to NYU!
from now on, i just need to be focused and stop being such a bs-who-is-lazy-to-do-anyt hing.
NYU. 1 1/2 years' the waiting and here I come.
DAMN.
11.04.05 (3:27 am) [edit]MCR is going to perform for VMA Latin America. And it sux coz I cant watch it on MTV just becoz I have exam on that day. Damn!
People always say to me Follow Your Heart or Follow Your Dream. It sounds easier. But to do an action to follow my heart or dream is much harder than I ever thought. Damn!
what the heck is wrong with me??!!
11.04.05 (12:30 am) [edit]I could stare at him for hours.
I could just listen to him 24/7.
I say good nite to him every nite.
He's the first thing on my mind when I wake up in the morning.
I smile whenever I see him.
I feel funny in my stomach when I see him.
I am happiest whenever I see him.
Everything that I do or see is related to him.
He has a really big heart.
He smokes and I dont care about that.
He paints and he likes to draw.
He inspires me in a lot of way.
He's far way from me but I just could feel him rite next to me.
He's in a therapy for a certain reason but hell I dont give a damn about that.
He's 9 years older than me and Im totally ok with that.
He's going to be engaged soon. I asked him to wait for me and give me some time.
But without words,he just stood there and look me straight in my eyes. Nothing. He said nothing.
I take it he meant "No, I cant wait for you." for the answer.
And I said to him that I'll be waiting for him no matter what.
There's a quote "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours!"
I think I'll hold to that quote and wait for that moment to come.
What the hell is wrong with me??!! Waiting for a moment that will never come??!!
Im such a fool. Yup. A fool over him.
Im Not Okay!
10.27.05 (10:14 pm) [edit]Im not okay. Like 99.99% not Okay. I cut my hair short just because I want my hair to look like Gerard's. I listen to MCR songs like millions of times. And Im obsess with My Chemical Romance! Im just crazy bout them!
Sumthin' crazy!
07.06.05 (6:36 am) [edit]Im always like, thinking of doing crazy stuff, like sky-diving or bungee-jumping, surfing, skiing...y'know, do something that is 'abnormal' from my daily life. Or just go beyond boundaries, like running & screaming in the parking lot, break all the rules, shout at people for no reason, saying no to what's right, getting tatoos, dyed my hair green, do things vice-versaly....things like that. Ive always wonder what it feels like to do all these stuff. Is it a relief? or more misery? I guess, I'll never find out.
A friend asked me if I could choose 5 places in the world to live in or start a new life or whatever...
First, I would choose Egypt, I like the weather a lot. The sun shines so bright and it seems hot, but u wont sweat. O and I like the pyramids scenery a lot. It's magical how people built these things without high tech back then. I like their food too.
My 2nd choice would be Medina or Mecca. Ive been there. Being there just makes me so small. And it reminds me how lucky I am and how blessed I am with everything that I got right now. And how thankful I am to all God's creations. I totally like their people, so friendly and kind.
Next is Milan. Yes, the fashion capital! And it's gonna be shopping, shopping and shopping till my feets hurt~ I adore the historical buildings and monuments. Their architecture is so unique. Italian food? I just love 'em.
My next choice is Tampa, Florida. I like the beach a lot. I love the ocean. Really. Plus, Tampa is my 'future' bf hometown. LOL.
Last is Malaysia. My own country. Why? It is so peaceful here. No volcanoes. No hurricanes. No earthquakes, although we did felt a little trigger from our neighbour but still, it's just a lil bit. No tsunamis. It's just gr8. One perfect country to live in.
Not good
06.24.05 (10:56 pm) [edit]These past few days had been.....not good, I can say. Both of my internet connections(TMNet & Jaring) were down for no certain reason. Yup. Both of them! O I know why, Dad didnt pay the bills because they went sky high last month. Guess, this is A Punishment for both of us, me & my sis. Well, we deserved it anyway. But THANK GOD! Mom was willing to make a consideration, that is; she'll top-up the Jaring ones but aint going to pay or do anything for the TMNet connection. Not ever. She made it crystal clear. Fullstop. And I was like, HELLO! We have to use credits. We dont use credit. Not in this family. It's like a rule. Like forever. (Err, I didnt actually say this to my Mom. She'll go crazy if I did. I'll be grounded for life.)
Been hanging out with some friends. (And yes. The one & only mall in my state. Man, that stinks!) Friends whom I can just be my OLD TRUE self around. Whom I am comfortable with. We were just like the good old days. Goofing around, laughing and all that. This is what I can call Having A Genuinely Good Time. It's been a while since I've laughed. I mean, really really laugh when I thought I've lost the real meaning of laughing. I guess I miss their accompaniment a lot. I know that we've gone separate ways in terms of studying but Im hoping that the friendship bond that we have for almost 7 yrs would never fade away. We've gone through ups and downs together. No matter what happens we'll still stick together. Wow, looking back to school yrs, I think I'll cherish all the memories like forever. I'll never forget them. Not even a bit. How I wish I could turn back time and fix everything that went wrong from the start...
this gonna be SUX
06.18.05 (8:12 pm) [edit]Ouch. My mother just made a rule that me & my sis could only use the 'precious' computer for 1 hour a day. This is BAD. Reallly bad. Mom said, the bills had been too high for the last few months and now we have to limit the usage. My cellphone bills is also high, almost RM300++. All because of the gprs thingy. Mom was so mad at me. And she was thinking of changing my postpaid cellphone to prepaid. No. I wont let it happen! Postpaid is the JOY of all freedom, baby! It's my fault, I know. And so I made some kind of a deal with her, that I wont be getting my monthly allowance from her for this month. Ick! There goes my allowance. It couldnt be that bad aite? No money for one whole month? And unfortunately, I got nothing in my bank accounts. Both of my bank accounts. NOTHING. Well, at least, Uitm provide free meals. That is good, I guess. But there is no way I could just stop the temptation of buying the delicious food outside the campus, I just I can't.
YOU MADE
06.16.05 (1:45 am) [edit]You Made. lyric & melody by; azra (Me!)
Far away
But that doesn't matter at all
Across the ocean blue
But seems close enough to feel you
And I don't care if it's wrong or right
I can't help the way I feel
Is this real? Is this true?
Help me please
c/o
You made my heart beat faster
You made my heart melt when I hear you
You made me smile when I see you
I'm feeling the thing I've never felt before
If only there's a way I could tell you now
We are in two very different world
It seems impossible to me
Somewhere in my heart is telling me
To hold on to you
Only time will tell
I can't help what I'm feeling
It's true. It's real.
I'm crossing my boundaries
But the feeling is real
(chorus)
Every night I pray
I'll woke up
I'll see you smiling
And everything'd be alright
We'll be together for eternity
(chorus)
I am somewhere between reality and fantasy
I guess you'll never fall for me
HAHA. This sounds insane and all mushy-mushy. But I dont care. This is what I feel and Im definitely not ashamed of it. I just got to be true to myself. All these words came from deep within me.
I wrote this song for that one special person in my heart. This person means A LOT to me. He's my inspiration. My moon. My sun. My star. He inspired me in all the tough stuff that Ive been through.
Once again, I dont care what people say about this. This is me. I just can't not be what I am. I know people will laugh at me for this and telling me to get over myself. I wont. Why? Because I believe in miracles that God can creates. Miracle happens if you believe it! I'll meet him someday.
Backstreet Boys; Never Gone!!
06.11.05 (7:05 am) [edit]Incomplete~ let me think...One Fantabulous Song!!!! BSB really got it going on this time! Wait. Not just this time. Everytime! I Salute BSB. Heard some clips from the official bsb website, and it was a satisfaction guaranteed to any person that buy their new album Never Gone.
The lyrics are very deep, meaningful and they showed that BSB had grown up with their music. Their music is a lil bit edgy but still has that BSB soft spot, y'know, ballads and all that. And the good thing is, how Nick's singing the songs, it makes them much more beau~ti~ful! And it makes my heart melt like ice cream in the hot summer's day~ tee-hee :D
Wow! I just can't wait for their album. Im getting more excited each day. Counting all the minutes to the June 14. tick tock tick tock...hurry up will you damn it! But hell, Im living in a country that is a bit outdated, the albums might be in store next week, IF Im lucky enough :cry: It feels sucks damn right! Argghh!!
*KTBSPA*
Some Qs
06.03.05 (11:25 am) [edit]Y O U
1.What does ur name means? - Virgin
2.How old r u? - 18 and 5 months yrs old
3.Do U have an allergy? - Yes. and it sux!
4.Any phobias? - Entomophobia. It's fear of insects
5.Do wear glasses/contacts/braces? - I used to wear glasses
This or That
1.Pepsi or Coke? - Coke
2.Smoothie or Milkshake? - Smoothie
3.Fruits or Veggie - Fruits
4.Britney or Christina? - Both of them are no-no. Next question please,
5.Candy or chocolate - Chocolate! Hershey's please..
FAMILY
1.Do U love ur parents? - Yes. Love them damn much!
2.Have any siblings? - One and only annoying lil sis
3.Ever thought of running away from home? - Nope. My home got Astro! I'd be missing my fave shows if I run away.
4.Do U feel ur parents have spoiled U? - Im spoiled
5.What's the best thing ur parents ever done to U? - They brought me to this Holy place in 2003
FRIENDS
1.Do U have more guy friends or girl friends? - Girl friends
2.Have U ever stolen a friend's bf/gf? - NO! and I would never do that to my friends.
3.Do U ever get annoyed at any friends? - Yes
4.Do U have online friends? - Yup
5.Have U ever had crush on one of ur friends? - No. Friends means friends forever.
LOVE
1.R U single or taken? - Single & not interested
2.Best place for first date? - Cinema, I guess. or walking at the beach
3.Do U prefer fun or romance in a r/ship? - fun
4.Do U have a bf/gf? if not, do u have a crush? - I have crushes! Lots of them. Nick Carter, Jared Padalecki, Stephen Coletti & more...
5.Would u rather have to break up with someone or be broken up with? - I rather be broken up with. I dont like hurting people. I rather hurt myself.
MUSIC
1.What's ur fave genre of music? - Depends on my mood
2.Do U play any instrument? - Yup. Violin & organ and a lil bit of guitar
3.If U have a band, what would U be? - I'd be the drummer!
4.What would U name ur band? - I dunno. Summer In Fall maybe. It sounds good though
5.Who inspire U musically? - Nick Carter. Hehe~
VARIOUS
1.What's ur fave flavor of microwave popcorn? - Caramel popcorn with pecans
2.What's ur fave flavor of ice cream? - Chocolate chip cookie dough
3.What do U have for breakfast this morning? - Toast with peanut butter and a can of Coke(Mom would be mad if she knows this!)
4.What brand r U using for ur hair product? - H&S and Rejoice
5.Name 2 items that are precious to U - my Nokia6260 & all my BSB cds
These Qs were forwarded to my email. I just thought it would be interesting to post them here.
Royally Jacked
05.28.05 (6:08 am) [edit]Just finished reading Royally Jacked and Spin Control by Niki Burnham in.. uh, let's see.. 3 and a half hours. Wow! Those novels really rock! Aw, how I wish I could be Valerie Winslow (she's the main character in those novels). Look, I know I've got one lame exam this thurs. But when it comes to novels, i can't hardly resist the temptation.
House of Wax
05.24.05 (8:03 am) [edit]I've watched House of Wax. It was good. It really brought the suspense. This House of Wax remake is way much better than the older one. The older one sucks a lil bit, I can say. Hell yeah, of course the new one is better, y'know, with all these new technologies. But I really think, this movie would be much better if Paris Hilton was not in it. I don't really like her as an actress. As a model, she is great, but acting, she kinda... 'fake'.
Jared Padalecki is damn hot in this movie!!
life goes on
05.22.05 (7:50 am) [edit]sometimes i wonder, am i in the rite path of my life? it's not that i'm not happy with this business stuff, hell, i'm doing good with it but then again, it is just not my thing. i used to dream of being an architect or interior designer maybe. i used to read books bout homes, designs and architectures all day long. i guess, i just have to put my dream behind and deal what's in front of me. it took me some time to let go that dream. but now, i am grateful of what i have at the moment, it's better than people who got none. life must go on eventhough u don't like it.
after learning all this business stuff, i came up with this idea that me and my sis could open an architectural firm where my sis would be the consultant while i would be the owner of the firm (hopefully it will come true one day!) and YES, my sis will totally be under my control...haha (evil thought :twisted: ) now, what would the firm's name be?...hmm..i need some thinking to do...
hmm..on 2nd thought, maybe i could open a record company or a music studio maybe..i've always loved music. or i could just work with jive records. or.....i'll leave that to fate.
Come to think of it
05.21.05 (8:31 am) [edit]i'm just gonna let out my feelings about some unexplainable stuff that people do...
- what kind of freak would take at least 10 mins just to make one stupid transaction at the ATM?
- people who said 'whateva' at the end of an argument..(so why argue when all u gonna say at the end is this simple little word, 'whateva!' - next time, dont argue with me if that's all u got!)
- the show off thingy... u can win while u still living, but when u don't, u got nothing. Nada. Nein. Not ever.
- okay, let's take a look at this scene:
U're eating.. lets say, ice cream(where n when dont matter).. a friend passes u by. she/he says "eating ice cream?" eventhou she/he already know what u're eating.
So i'll get straight to d point here. Never ask me that kind of question if u already know what i'm doing, or in this case, eating. Otherwise, i'll answer, "no, i'm eating ur heart out". - Wannabes. Hey, get ur own life..oh...i forgot u don't have one.
- Stop intruding with my life. My life. My Own Way! (unless u're my mom/dad, it'll be ok then) Stop telling me what to do or i'll swear i'll slice u up like i would to that bloody jeepers creepers!
okay, i think i'll stop here...before i go too far n hurt somebody's feelings. i'll just have to contain myself.
Strenuous!
05.19.05 (1:02 am) [edit]Just got back from campus. It feels good to be back home. My home sweet home~
Aih! These past two weeks had been really strenuous . Got final exam coming end of this month...eventhough it's only one paper, it still give me the 'stressfull' feeling. Marketing is so hard! Lots of things to remember. 'Lucky' me, my brain is not that 'well' at memorizing x( I can't afford to fail this paper, hell, I can't even get A-, I have to get A+ or static A, at least. This is so hard.
An Introduction
05.15.05 (3:21 am) [edit]Yay! My 1st entry; better write something interesting...too bad, my life isn't that interesting this whole week. Just a company case to deal with. :(
O yea, the blogspot one...I kinda forgot the password, so I decided to make a new one.
